Tip 1. Understand the difference between being confident and being arrogant. Confidence deals with your faith in your abilities whereas over-confidence or arrogance describes actions and attitudes that present an air of conceit. Being over-confident shows others that you believe yourself to be better than them and is not likely to go over well or earn you any sort of genuine respect. What's worse is that to people who know better, arrogance is a key indicator of someone who "needs" the envy of others to feel good about him/her self. Arrogance is a front and many people will see right through it.
Tip 2. Know where you really stand. You know that you have a certain level of confidence already. It is not helpful to put yourself down or feel as if you have no confidence at all. Low self-confidence is a problem that affects millions and it is unlikely that you are near the bottom of this ladder.
Tip 3. Don't over criticize your self. We all stumble on a regular basis. Putting yourself down or punishing your self does not help to improve your performance. In fact, these activities are proven to be self-defeating and will lessen your feelings of confidence and self-esteem. Unfortunately, this can easily become habitual as well, slowly degrading our confidence over time.
Tip 4. Remember that not everything is within our control. Trying too hard to control every aspect of our lives is a quick way to find consistent failure. There is simply too much going on that depends on other people, economy, chance and many other factors that are well outside of our control. Remain flexible and learn to ebb and flow with the tides of life and you will be much happier in the long run.
Tip 5. Understand that life is a journey filled with triumphs as well as losses. You have heard that struggle and adversities will make you stronger. They do. Your struggles have already made you stronger and that strength will serve you as you move forward. Sometimes what we perceive as failures are actually blessings.
Tip 6. Relax and Meditate. Too often, we get caught up in the scramble of everyday life and the constant stress will begin to weigh us down. Practice meditation techniques or find another way to clear your mind, relax and temporarily allow those stresses to slip away. You need this mental recharging from time to time in order to maintain strong mental health. If it didn't work, millions of people wouldn't be doing it!
Tip 7. Happy Place. Yes, I know it's a cliche these days but there's a reason for that. It's a very popular concept. Think of memories of events in your life that made you feel good or triumphant. Fill your mind with these thoughts or memories anytime you start to fell down on yourself. Think of people you love and good times you have together. Visualize yourself in those situations and feel what you were feeling at that moment.
Tip 8. Get some exercise. It doesn't have to be a marathon. Just get out and do something somewhat rigorous for a while. Physical labor helps to clear the mind and fuel the body with powerful endorphins that will make you feel healthy and alive. The benefits of exercise are far-reaching. It has been proven many times over that our physical, mental and emotional health, are all intricately linked. Regular exercise will undoubtedly have positive effects on your self confidence; especially if it helps you get in shape and improved your physical appearance.
Tip 9. Don't focus too much on yourself. At times self-examination is necessary but know when enough is enough. Focusing too much on yourself can cause you to become over-critical. It also takes you away from the people around you. Stay involved in your life as much as you can and get out of your own head. There will be plenty of opportunities to reflect.
Tip 10. Don't concern yourself with what other people think. Actually, a better description might be "what you think others think". The truth is, you don't know what other people are thinking anyway and it would be fruitless to imagine that you do. Assuming that you know is bad enough. Assuming that it is likely to be something negative about you is just ridiculous. The chances are impossibly small that you know what anyone really thinks unless you have ESP. If you do have ESP, play poker for a living.
Tip 11. Seek Motivation. There are those that inspire us. There are books, movies and songs that motivate us and make us feel good. Find these things in your life and enjoy them frequently. Regular exposure to anything positive can give us a healthy boost to our self-confidence.
Tip 12. Maintain your health. See exercise above. Your physical health can definitely impact your mental health. Get adequate sleep, eat healthy etc. Feeling strong and healthy physically, will help you feel strong mentally which goes hand in hand with elevated confidence levels.
Tip 13. When feeling low or fearful, remember that other people really cannot see it. Your confidence and your fears are your business and your business alone. Just hold your chin up, move on and no one will be the wiser. Being afraid that everyone can see our weaknesses can compound those feelings fast. Don't fall into that trap.
Tip 14. Resist the urge to blame misfortunes on your persistent bad luck. Whether you believe it or not, luck does not exist. We create our lives through the ways we interact with it. Every one experiences these failures and setbacks. You are not alone. Feeling that you have bad luck is simply avoiding taking responsibility for your own life. Believing that there is some uncontrollable powerful force acting negatively upon your life, is not healthy, nor is it true. Stuff happens! Pick yourself up and get back in the game. Don't focus on the "why"; instead focus on the "what now".
Tip 15. Seek advice and listen to it. People love to share their thoughts, accomplishments and advice. You don't have to follow it but you should certainly listen to it. People have diverse backgrounds and experiences and it is likely that other you know have experienced similar challenges. Talk to people about it and see what they know. You will be surprised at the things you can learn from others experience. Besides, talking about challenges and interacting with people is healthy and supports greater confidence.
Tip 16. Take small actions often. Baby steps. You should try to challenge yourself in small ways as often as possible. If you are lost but are hesitant to ask people for directions because you are shy, simply address the first person you see and say "excuse me sir...." etc. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone regularly in small easy ways will expand that zone greatly over time. This will slowly chip away at your limitations and is an easy way to achieve consistent progress toward greater confidence.
Tip 17. Visualize yourself at your best. Visualization is powerful but keep it realistic. Creating a mental picture of yourself conquering Rome is cool but it's not something that your mind is likely to accept as realistic and it won't have the same effect as viewing yourself giving that big speech with ease, confidently asking your hot neighbor out for dinner, nailing that job interview or enjoying your hard-earned wealth. Do this one often, it works. Really visualize it, get into it, feel it. It will start to feel more and more real and when you actually have to perform the action, it will feel as if you've done it before. Visualize that great future that you are working towards.
Tip 18. Stand Tall. You don't have to be in the Marine Corps to walk tall and proud. Practice maintaining a confident posture in everything that you do. Walk briskly and with purpose. Slouching and sluggishly lumbering around not only make you feel weak and ineffective, these activities also make us appear complacent and dull to others. Be proud when you can but look proud always.
Tip 19. Speak clearly and boldly. I don't mean that you should bark at people. I mean speak up and enunciate your speech. You voice tells the world a lot about you subconsciously. Your thoughts are as valid as anyone else's so speak your mind in positive ways and damn the consequences. Try not to mumble or speak beneath your breath. These are attributes that most will associate with timidness.
Tip 20. Challenge your beliefs. Apply some critical thinking to your beliefs. Many people accept what they have been taught during childhood as fact without ever realizing that there are many other points of view. Ask yourself why you believe the things you do. Where did those beliefs really come from? Are they limiting beliefs? Do they hold you back? Are they the cause of some self over-criticism, guilt or shame? Are those feelings helping you or hurting you? How necessary are those beliefs that may negatively impact your life?
Tip 21. Write down all of the attributes that you want to posses. This will help you find the true you. We eventually become who we want to become if we truly try, and this becomes easier when we know exactly who that is. Revisit this one often and don't be afraid to change it as you learn and change.
Tip 22. Stay Busy. There is an old saying that "Industry cures the melancholy." There is definitely some truth to this. If you get busy and occupy your mind with something constructive, it clears your mind of the self-defeating thoughts and feelings. Try cleaning your car, cleaning the house, rearranging the furniture, weeding the garden, playing a game, reading a book or even watching a movie. I would say that the more physical the nature of the task the better but to each his/her own.
Tip 23. Believe in a higher power. You don't have to understand it or know what it is, but believe that there exists something greater that yourself. Feeling that we are the pinnacle of existence is not only unlikely but is also sort of bleak and depressing. There exists something within us all that is connected to something greater than our comprehension will allow us to conceive. Accepting this gives us more reason to strive for greatness. Through this effort, we achieve growth.
Tip 24. Don't put up with abuse. Regardless of who you are, you don't deserve to be treated poorly by anyone. If someone should disrespect you, stand, face them and smile confidently and politely. Often, it becomes clear who really has the problem. Others will notice this too. That's really all it takes to show that you don't accept or believe that you are inferior or deserving of abusive behavior. Don't go too far; over-confrontational behavior presents a myriad of its own problems.
Tip 25. Ask yourself what's the worst thing that could happen. Often, when a situation seems to be going bad, we will obsess about it to the point that we feel that the end of the universe is nigh. Just because one aspect of our life is not working out the way we planned, does not necessarily mean that our entire life will go to heck in a hand-basket. What's the worst that could happen? Will I be able to recover and move on? The answer is almost always "yes".
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Military Operators, Law Enforcement Professionals, and Prepared Citizens Serious About Building Tactical Muscle
Special Report by Joseph Arangio, Tactical Strength and Conditioning Coach
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