Because
things are challenging it doesn’t mean we have to lose our s*t. This is
the most important aspect of managing the current crisis. That is, to
manage how we choose to process information and how we choose to look at
the facts.
How well are we able to separate the facts from the stories
we tell ourselves about the facts… We are really good at taking
ourselves on rides… (Continued below....)
(...Continued......)When we allow our thoughts to get the best of us, we flood our
bandwidth with noise, we get whirly, we trigger ourselves, we cut off
access to our higher thinking and problem solving capabilities and
creativity, we don’t see the opportunities and the good in front of us.
And, there is always good…, no matter what!
If we allow ourselves to get nutty, and allow the above to get the
best of us, how are we to make good decisions, not react (different from
respond), stay resourceful, take care of ourselves, stay healthy and
embrace wellness, take good care of our kids, show up for our partner,
see the opportunities to serve and help, become an innovator. Get my
drift?
And, when we are all twisted up inside our head, we feel all twisted
up, and then we act all twisted up. How is that for clinical language?
LOL
When we are all twisted up, this is how you may show up in your relationship:
WARNING – this might look normal to you… But these are not qualities
of a Successful Relationship and that’s why you are struggling…
Mindset
You complain about how your partner is doing themselves, the choices they make, how they show up, and how they contribute
You might pick at them, put them down, criticize, undermine, undo and the like whatever efforts they are putting in
You might not even see what they contribute, choosing to look at everything as an issue or it being done wrong
You might feel compelled to tell them how they need to think, feel and show up
Communication
You want to talk and address things even if they don’t want to,
regardless that you might be triggered or it might not be the right time
You go into a conversation making your partner wrong, blaming, putting down and the like
You think you are right and go in with your gloves off, because you
are upset you think it’s OK to throw out all skills, tools and civility
You don’t see, own or acknowledge your part in it, never mind apologize
Dynamics
You respond the same way to situations and try to solve them the same
way, even if that didn’t work before; and the focus is to prove your
point, meet your own needs, and get your way
You lose sight of the fact that your partner is also human and imperfect, and on their own Journey
You expect your partner to anticipate your needs, meet all your
needs, know what’s up and address things as if they were you or an
extension of you
Connection
You give your partner love the way you like to receive love, have no clue that they might want something differently
You expect your partner to want to do everything you want to do, when and how you want to
You want your partner to be there when you need and want them to, regardless of if they are able to
You want to spend a lot more time with your partner than they want to spend with you, and you take this personally or fight it
You assume your partner is not attracted to you or interested in
being intimate so don’t even attempt any physical closeness; or, you
assume your partner only wants one thing and is not really interested in
you or respect you otherwise
Partnership
You take on the brunt of the homemaking and joint life
responsibilities (regardless of whatever good reason you think you have
for this…) and become resentful about it and negative, whiney, passive
aggressive, controlling and all kinds of not so awesomeness about it…
You create a chaotic or military like home and complain your children
are out of control (all other things happen with the children as well)
Your home life feels overwhelming, exhausting, stifling, burdensome, irritating, joyless
Your partner has all kinds of reasons for not being home, and if they are home they don’t feel like they are home…
What do these mean? They indicate poor self-management, unresolved issues, lack of sills and tools, and more… Poor:
Mindset, expectations, personal ownership and sovereignty, and boundaries [Context/Mindset]
Communication, conflict resolution and repair [Communication/Alignment]
Understanding of self, drivers, needs, defense mechanisms [Clarity/Dynamics]
Know-how on connecting, sustaining connection, receiving and giving
love, being emotionally and physically intimate, having fun together
(couple fun, not just family fun…) [Connection/Intimacy]
Habits, routines, plans, resources, structures and systems [Collaboration/Partnership]
So, if you are not satisfied in your relationship (which you will be
at some point or another in its lifespan – that’s just the way it is)
and you are experiencing pain and aggravation, it doesn’t mean you have
to endure it and suffer through it…
This is the time to be proactive, get attentive and invest in
enriching and nurturing your relationship. This is the time to get
support if what you’ve been trying hasn’t been working. Don’t wait till
you do more damage! It’s hard to come back from severe damage, don’t
become another statistic… It’s best to get on it early!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a hard look at your relationship and how you are
showing up to it. Put yourself through the 5 Elements of the Successful
Couple Strategy™ — Context, Communication, Clarity, Connection and
Collaboration — and identify where you are not showing up with your Best
Self… Note, if you need to:
Clean up how you look at things and learn how to set effective boundaries
Improve your communication and other interactive skills
Heal and address some unresolved issues and change your patterns
Learn how to Be with your partner
Put systems in place to create a collaborative environment and joyful home
Creating a Successful Relationship is not difficult, it just requires
Commitment… We don’t want you curious or interested in creating a
successful relationship. To have an amazing relationship you have to be
Committed to making that happen. Just as with anything else in life…
Let’s rock your relationship. Let’s create your Successful Relationship – now is the time…
Learn how to do this with our upcoming Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB)!
As you might already know, given the current crisis in NYS I felt
compelled to rework the REB virtual event, scheduled for on April 4th,
to make it more accessible not only financially but also practically:
I’m condensing the whole experience into a 1.5-hour presentation
It’ll have a replay, downloadable material, and all the other perks
AND, I’m now offering it for FREE
Get More Information HERE
Register For Your FREE Access HERE
(You’ll get an account and access on our Member Site as if you were purchasing the event!)
If you are struggling, why keep white-knuckling it? Support is here
now and very accessible. Please take advantage of this opportunity. See
you inside!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and
results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how
you are using this content.
Happy Enriching!
P.S. Transform your relationship with our upcoming Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB)!
REB is a virtual event, scheduled for on April 4th:
A whole experience into a 1.5-hour presentation
It’ll have a replay, downloadable material, and all the other perks
AND, I’m now offering it for FREE
Get More Information HERE
Register For Your FREE Access HERE
(You’ll get an account and access on our Member Site as if you were purchasing the event!)
It is packed with thought-provoking, mindset shift concepts and
simple, yet extremely powerful and transformational, easily
implementable tools for immediate results.
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
Get Bonuses, Perks and Access when you Register HERE!
P.S.S. Get the Snap Takeaways™ for this post (Stay tuned for it!)
P.S.S.S. Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at
the end! Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take
away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in
community! Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan
Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes
in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™
philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist
couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
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visit: www.metrorelationship.com.